Do you know why I actually built the bagel? It wasn't to destroy everything. It was to destroy myself. I wanted to see if I went in, could I finally escape? Like, actually die. At least this way... I don't have to do it alone.
Ok. Wait. You are getting fat. And you never call me even though we have a family plan. And it's free. You only visit when you need something. And you got a tattoo, and I don't care if it's supposed to represent our family. You know I hate tattoos. And of all the places I could be, why would I want to be here with you? Yes, you're right. It doesn't make sense.
Joy: So what? You're just gonna ignore everything else? You could be anything, anywhere. Why not go somewhere where your daughter is more than just this? Here, all we get are a few specks of time where any of this actually makes any sense.
Evelyn: Then I will cherish these few specks of time.
Waymond: Sorry, my wife confuses her hobbies for businesses! An honest mistake.
Deirdre: Oh. Okay. Well, with all of these "honest mistakes", I mean, even if we don't charge you with fraud, we'll most certainly have to fine you for gross negligence.
We discovered a way to temporarily link your consciousness to another version of yourself, accessing all of their emotions, even their skills. It’s called verse jumping. You can live up to your ultimate potential.
Deirdre: Look, I was just hoping you could enlighten me as to how, as a laundromat owner, a karaoke machine could constitute a business expense?
Evelyn: I am a singer.
Deirdre: Of course you are.
Waymond: It's true. She has a beautiful voice.
Waymond: I am not your husband. At least not the one you know. I am another version of him, from another life path, another universe. I'm here because we need your help.
Evelyn: Very busy today. No time to help you.
There is a great evil that has taken root in my world and has begun spreading its chaos throughout the many verses. I have spent years searching for the one who might be able to match this great evil with an even greater good and bring back balance. All these years of searching have brought me here, to this universe. To you.
Evelyn: What is happening? Are we getting divorced?
Waymond: I'm not the Waymond who wants to divorce you. I'm the Waymond who is saving your life. Now, you can either come with you and live up to your ultimate potential, or lie here and live with the consequences.
Evelyn: I want to lie here.
Evelyn: What? Why would anyone want to kill me?
Waymond: She's an omniversal being with unimaginable power, an agent of pure chaos, with no real motives or desires. Jobu Tupaki.
Evelyn: You're just making up sounds.
You saw her potential, so you pushed her beyond her limit. Though the overloaded mind usually dies, instead her mind was fractured. Now her mind experiences every world, every possibility, at the same exact time, commanding the infinite knowledge and power of the multiverse. Now she's seen too much, lost any sense of morality, any belief in objective truth.
Evelyn: What did my silly husband say to you?
Deirdre: He told me about your situation. I remember when my husband served me papers. I drove his Kia Forte through my neighbor's kitchen. But you know what I say? It's cold, unlovable bitches like us that make the world go round.
Evelyn: That's not true. You're not unlovable.
I don't know. The only thing I do know is that we have to be kind. Please. Be kind especially when we don't know what's going on. I know you see yourself as a fighter. Well, I see myself as one too. This is how I fight.
Waymond: I wanted to start off the new year on a new foot. But, maybe you're right. Maybe we would have been better off, if we had never gotten married.
Evelyn: I never said that.
Waymond: You didn't have to. It's the way you look at me.
Once again, the Alphaverse finds itself as the last line of defense against total chaos. Be brave. This Evelyn is as stubborn as the others. She has given us no choice. We must kill her before she becomes another Jobu Tupaki.
Now you may only see a pile of boring forms and numbers, but I see a story. With nothing but a stack of receipts, I can trace the ups and downs of your lives. And it does not look good. It. Does. Not. Look Good.